Five years ago I eagerly made the first birthday cake for my first child; a beautiful, brown-eyed baby girl who had already changed my world in so many ways. I had thought about that cake for months and how I would decorate it just-so. We even have video footage of her propped up in her high chair, stripped down to nothing but a bib and going to town on that huge, chocolate masterpiece. And included in that footage is her crying, yanking at her ears, my husband and I laughing, thinking nothing of it. As the festive evening went on, the crying continued, red splotches were apparent on her face, and after her bath to remove all the chocolate-y mess, up and out came all that cake from the same place it went down into her body just a while earlier.
Still, we didn't get it. We didn't realize we had basically given her a huge serving chock-full of things her body didn't like and even tried to expel. And it wouldn't be until after a few more obvious reactions that we would realize it was time to see an allergist and that benadryl would be our new best friend. And avoidance, lots and lots of avoidance.
Are there worse things than food allergies? Oh, sure. Of course. And I thank my lucky stars each day that this is the worst we are dealing with. But there are also things easier than food allergies. So they should be taken for what they are - they suck. They're annoying and frustrating and cause so much anxiety and misery when they aren't avoided and yet so much misery when they ARE avoided because you wish you or your child could just eat that piece of cheesy pizza like everyone else, instead of packing your own "special" foods.
I have packed the "special" foods time and time again. I have panicked at parties when all the children had a gigantic slice of pie and there was nothing my daughter could eat. I have kept my phone on me at all times on those first days or weeks of school, waiting for someone to call me and tell me my daughter is having an allergic reaction. I have eaten at that one same stinkin' restaurant over and over and over again because it's the only place she can eat. I have read (and not always thoroughly enough) food labels with three loud, squirmy and naughty children hanging on the side of or in a grocery cart, trying to make sure I won't kill my child by feeding certain foods and wishing everyone would. just. pipe. down. I've been that helicopter mom I swore I wouldn't be. But I do it all, every last bit of it, out of love.
But there's a silver lining. Today I can honestly say I cook differently and eat differently because of our experience with our daughter and the things she cannot consume. I have had to get in the kitchen and on the computer (thank heavens for the world wide web!) and read so many labels it makes my head hurt just thinking about it. We eat better and we are much more aware of what we are consuming (mind you, I am writing this whilst I consume Nerds by the palm-full....I like to keep it "real"). If I can help even one person just the smallest bit by what I share here on this space, it will all be worth it.
Still, we didn't get it. We didn't realize we had basically given her a huge serving chock-full of things her body didn't like and even tried to expel. And it wouldn't be until after a few more obvious reactions that we would realize it was time to see an allergist and that benadryl would be our new best friend. And avoidance, lots and lots of avoidance.
Are there worse things than food allergies? Oh, sure. Of course. And I thank my lucky stars each day that this is the worst we are dealing with. But there are also things easier than food allergies. So they should be taken for what they are - they suck. They're annoying and frustrating and cause so much anxiety and misery when they aren't avoided and yet so much misery when they ARE avoided because you wish you or your child could just eat that piece of cheesy pizza like everyone else, instead of packing your own "special" foods.
I have packed the "special" foods time and time again. I have panicked at parties when all the children had a gigantic slice of pie and there was nothing my daughter could eat. I have kept my phone on me at all times on those first days or weeks of school, waiting for someone to call me and tell me my daughter is having an allergic reaction. I have eaten at that one same stinkin' restaurant over and over and over again because it's the only place she can eat. I have read (and not always thoroughly enough) food labels with three loud, squirmy and naughty children hanging on the side of or in a grocery cart, trying to make sure I won't kill my child by feeding certain foods and wishing everyone would. just. pipe. down. I've been that helicopter mom I swore I wouldn't be. But I do it all, every last bit of it, out of love.
But there's a silver lining. Today I can honestly say I cook differently and eat differently because of our experience with our daughter and the things she cannot consume. I have had to get in the kitchen and on the computer (thank heavens for the world wide web!) and read so many labels it makes my head hurt just thinking about it. We eat better and we are much more aware of what we are consuming (mind you, I am writing this whilst I consume Nerds by the palm-full....I like to keep it "real"). If I can help even one person just the smallest bit by what I share here on this space, it will all be worth it.